I’ll be the bright side of your bad day ~

I’m such a procrastinator, seriously.  I was like, ‘Oh, I’m gonna redo my MySpace.’ Ha. Yeah, so much for that.  I’ve just kinda been staring at it trying to figure out what to do.  My Photoshop is finally working again, hoorah.

So, I’m missing you less and less lately.  Good thing?  I’d say so.  I mean…I’m finally getting over you, and that’s what I’ve always wanted.  But, I don’t know if it’s what I want anymore.  Not thinking about you, isn’t right.  But think about you isn’t right, either.  I don’t think my heart WANTS to get over you, actually.  Maybe it’s true what they say about your first love.  Or, maybe it isn’t.  I’d like to believe it is.  Then it makes me feel less bad about still thinking about you, and about us, and about what we could’ve been.  Remember in Feburary, when you missed Valentines Day?  And you skipped work the next day just to make it up to me?  And how you said that you were gonna ask me something really important on Valentines Day, but since you missed it I’d have to wait until my birthday?  And then remember how you broke up with me a month and 3 days before my birthday?  Yeah…I still wonder what you were gonna ask me.  And if I could have one more hour with you, I’d make you ask me, even if it was something that would hurt me, knowing you’d be gone in another hour.  It pains me, not knowing.  I try and guess as to what it was, but I never for sure know.  I wish you would’ve stuck around.  I wish you would’ve stuck around for Cynthia’s sake.  I wish you would’ve stuck around for my sake.  I wish you would’ve stuck around for my sanity, actually.  But, then I think about how much I love Cameron compared to you, and it makes those feelings diminish.  I still smile when I read these though:

I’m pretty sure that wins me the whole “worst girlfriend ever” award, but oh well. :|  I still smile, and I’m not gonna lie.  I haven’t read those in a really long time though, I occasionally read the comments you sent for our 1, 2, 3, and 4th month..but I stopped that recently.  I wish you hadn’t left so soon.  I wasn’t finished loving you.